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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were .The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.To show off, the Engineer called his cat,"T-square, do your stuff."T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better.He called his cat and said,"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies ............Everyone agreed that was good.But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said "Measure, do your stuff."Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.Everyone agreed that was pretty good.Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"The Government Employee called his cat and said....."Coffee Break.....do your stuff."Coffee Break jumped to his feet...........Ate the cookies...............Drank the milk..............Sh*t on the paper....................Screwed the other three cats.....................Claimed he injured his back while doing so..................Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.........Put in for Workers Compensation...............andWent home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............!!!!!!!!!!**********
Wonderful coffeeCustomer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of cost today.Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. It will be wonderful if you drink it from an empty cup today.*******Doctor's promise"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.""Don't worry, it won't happen to you. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia only."*******Dentist's thinkingPatient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."*******In safe handsPatient: Doctor I heard 10 percent of the total patients undergoing this surgery die.Doctor: Don't worry man, those 10 percent patients operated by me are already dead. Now it's the turn of the 90 percent survivors.*******